Stealing the Heart of Your Child

My husband has a message that is personally one of my favorites. He titled it Stolen Hearts. He gets his message from II Samuel 15 in the Bible. Here, he reads the account of Absalom, who “stole the hearts of the men of Israel” (vs. 6). He uses this phrase to bring out his message on stealing the hearts of children or youth.

💞Stealing someone’s heart is not easy. Yet Absalom succeeded. Did he offer a special favor that allowed him to win their hearts? Did he make promises? Did he offer them money or prestige? What did Absalom do to steal the hearts of the men of Israel? 

Before answering that question, let’s understand a bit about Absalom. Absalom was a very handsome man. The Bible tells us that, from head to toe, he didn’t have a blemish, spot, flaw, or imperfection. He was praised for his beauty (II Samuel 14:25). Absalom looked like our modern-day models. His appearance (like the appearance of models today) captivated the hearts of the men of Israel, causing them to seek after him (II Samuel 15:13). Absalom’s obvious beauty may have played a part in his winning the hearts of the men of Israel. But this alone wasn’t what allowed him to be so popular.

In Absalom’s day, when someone had an argument or a problem that needed a solution, they would go to the King and ask for his advice and decision. This King would have been David, his father. Absalom, however, waited outside the gates of Jerusalem to intercept those going to see the King with their debate. He placed himself ahead of the King (II Samuel 15:2), and although his actions were morally wrong, his methods can be applied today to win the hearts of anyone, especially our children. 

So, what did Absalom do to win the hearts of Israel’s men?

He exercised three simple principles. 

Absalom’s first approach was listening. He took time out of his day to listen to what the men of Israel had to say (II Samuel 15:2-3).

Children of all ages are creatures of talk and love to be the center of attention. They look for someone to talk to about their troubles and triumphs. 

If we’re to steal the hearts of our children, we must be willing to listen to them. Ask your child how his/her day was. What was good? What was bad? What would they like to change? Then listen as they tell you of their day. Hear what they say about school, friends, and even home issues. Children need an outlet like adults—someone who will listen to them.

Absalom’s second approach was speaking to them. After hearing what the men had to say, he would try to comfort them or solve their problems (vs. 4).

Children—no matter their age—can sometimes carry a lot of worry and care, more than they’d like to admit. With the pressures of school and peers, dealing with teachers and sometimes parents or home issues, a child can become as bogged down with life as an adult. They look for leadership, and they need it! They need someone to advise them on what to do when life’s little dilemmas arise. They need someone who will understand and share their feelings and thoughts. 

Another step toward stealing your child’s heart is to speak to them. Talk with them when they tell you of their feelings and thoughts. Offer solutions to their daily dilemmas without being judgmental or indifferent. Offer them choices. Opt for a Love and Logic approach to your decision-making techniques. 

Absalom did one other thing that caused the men to be loyal to him: he touched them. Absalom touched them sympathetically and tenderheartedly, like a hand on a shoulder. When we greet someone, we may shake their hand. We may hug or gently touch someone on the shoulder when we comfort someone. This is how Absalom touched the men of Israel.

Like any human being, children need to be hugged and comforted – this lets them know they are safe. They need human interaction and touch. Imagine going through life without anyone ever hugging you or comforting you with a touch. We all need the comfort of knowing that someone cares for us. If we are to win the hearts of our children, we must take the time to touch them, comfort them, and show them that we truly care.

David, Absalom’s father, learned all too well what results from not listening to, speaking to, and touching your children. David did not speak to Absalom for nearly two years because he and Absalom became angry at each other (read II Samuel 14:28). David would not even see his own son when he came to his court to visit him (vs. 24). 

Because of this, Absalom conspired against his father and attempted to dethrone him (II Samuel 15:12).  The conspiracy was so grand that David and his servants fled the palace in fear (vs. 16). Absalom pursued David, which ended in a battle and the loss of many lives (II Samuel 18:7-8). David’s men eventually killed Absalom (II Samuel 18:14-15), leaving David unable to make things right with his son. 

🏫 Homeschooling isn’t just about the academics. It’s also about the fellowship and impression that you – the parent – are making on your child. If you don’t listen to them, be certain the world will. If you don’t speak to them, social media or other influencers will. If you don’t touch them, someone else will. If you don’t become their role model, Hollywood’s model will. Satan and the world work hard enough to steal our children. 

👂 Listen to your child. No matter how petty the issue, remember it’s a big deal to them. If you’ve already heard the story, listen still because they believe it’s important. 

🗨️ Speak to your child. Find out how their day has gone. Help them make wise decisions. Ask them what you can do to help them.

🫂 Touch your child. Give your child hugs – lots of them! Be affectionate as a parent. Dry their tears. Let them cry on your shoulder. Hold them when they’re scared.