Overcoming Learned Helplessness: From “Why Try?” to “I’ve Got This”

When I was growing up, there was a phrase that I was NOT allowed to say. If I accidentally said it, I would have to listen to a lecture.

🫤The phrase was, “I can’t.”

Saying this phrase would send my dad into a tailspin. He would say, “Can’t never could!” And then the lecturing would start about how if you never try, you’ll never know what you’re capable of. Thing is, I did try!. Over and over again, each time failing to accomplish the thing I set out to do. For example, my many attempts as a teenager at making gravy. It turned out looking more like a fluffy pillow than creamy gravy! No matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t master it. It wasn’t until much later in life that I learned to make gravy – the creamy kind – after trying one more time. 

My dad was right when he said, “Can’t never could,” and I appreciate him teaching me that, for there have been many times that I heard his voice in my head when I tried and failed. His words kept me going, and I would try just one more time. 

It troubles me when I hear people, especially students, say that they can’t do something. I believe you can do anything once you’ve set your mind to do it. 

I believe we tell ourselves “I can’t” after failing over and over again because it makes the disappointment easier to live with, and it excuses us from ever having to try again. I also believe that this cycle – trying, failing, trying, failing, eventually saying “I can’t” – causes people to fall into a state of learned helplessness, believing they truly cannot control events or escape the cycle. 

🥺“Learned helplessness is a psychological condition where someone feels powerless to change their situation due to repeated exposure to uncontrollable events,” (Granite Hills Hospital). It’s a mindset that sets your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions about your life. It shapes how you interpret events, situations, and your ability to control your life.

Learned helplessness is a negative mental mindset that convinces you that you cannot escape or improve your situation, regardless of what you do. It eventually convinces you to give up and stop trying. 

The causes of learned helplessness vary. Chronic stress, traumatic experiences, negative environments, and depression and anxiety can all fuel the mindset. 

❓Does this scenario sound familiar?

Branson keeps failing his math tests. No matter how much he studies or reviews the material, he still fails the test. He eventually tells himself that he’s “not a math person” and stops trying to pass the tests. He believes that he’ll fail no matter what he does.

Branson may be missing factors that relate to his test failures. He should take a closer look at his wrong answers and ask, “What did I do to get that wrong?” His errors may have been careless errors – transposing numbers, forgetting a decimal, etc. Maybe he added, subtracted, multiplied, or divided incorrectly. Maybe he missed a unit of measurement or dropped a negative sign. He may not understand the rules of the math problems he was trying to solve. 

The thing about learned helplessness is that it steals the learning element from you and keeps you powerless. 🫥

🤔Okay, so how do we help Branson out of his learned helplessness mindset?

🪫What made Branson feel powerless in the first place? Failing math tests. But, how did he do on classwork? Did he get those problems correct? If he can do well on classwork and get problems correct, maybe he has test anxiety. The thought of taking a test may make him cringe, which leads him to panic, which leads him to make mistakes and fail the test. 

😩How can Branson overcome test anxiety? He can think of it as an assessment instead. Yes, assessment and test are basically the same thing, but “test” sounds so much scarier and formal than “assessment.” He can also practice calming techniques, such as deep breathing and picturing a happier place. Branson might also first try solving the easier or more obvious problems on the test to build his confidence.

🆘 What if Branson doesn’t do well with classwork, and he struggles to understand the math? He could try a tutor or someone who will explain and teach the material differently. Branson might find video explanations for the concept. He could also practice solving similar test problems until he feels confident. He could make sure he understands how to tear apart word problems and how to solve multi-step problems. 

😣Branson should also challenge his negative beliefs. Instead of convincing himself that “he can’t”, he could ask, “What other way could I try to do this?” He could work to find different solutions.

🎯Lastly, Branson could create and set achievable goals for himself that will help him build confidence. His goal might be to solve 10 simpler and similar math problems, then move to harder and more complex problems. His successes will reinforce his belief that he can do the math. 

😨Learned helplessness is a negative mindset that can be overcome! It takes perseverance and work, but it can be done.

You just have to prove yourself wrong in believing that you can’t. 😊